Episode 15 - Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984)
I wouldn't be surprised to find out that Black Devil Doll from Hell is some secret torture device used to extract information from war criminals. Nobody can withstand the sheer amount of zooms and tonal music put forth in this "film" without having some sort of psychotic episode. If you haven't seen it, you have no idea.
But rest easy, if you make it through Black Devil Doll from Hell in one piece, you can make it through anything.
When Helen walked into a curio shop one day she never thought her life would change forever. A simple god-fearing woman is turned into a sex-crazed maniac all thanks to a possessed doll that rapes her. That's pretty much all that happens. It takes over an hour.
I can almost hear you saying it, "It can't be that bad Mike and Chris." Oh yeah? Well let's take a look at an actual shot from this movie:
This is one of many just like it. What do we see in this shot? What does it tell us? What's it's purpose? The answer to all of these questions is the same: nothing. And it goes on like this for over an hour.
About 90% of the shots in this movie contain a zoom. 60% of the movie is scored by a Casio Keyboard playing the demo music. The 30% of the score is tonal music so offensive it will literally make your ears bleed. It is borderline unwatchable.
The best way to enjoy this film is to grab some friends, get some controlled substances, force them to watch it, and tell them it's your favorite movie. Every time they try and complain just tell them that it's about to get better. When it never does and the credits eventually roll you will have had the last laugh; and no more friends.
Even though the movie is borderline unwatchable, it does have this hat:
We're sorry everyone. The films get better; we promise.